Marjorie - Navigating daily life with misophonia in Panama.
Transcript
Adeel [0:01]: Hello and welcome to the Misophonia podcast. This is episode 12. My name is Adeel Ahmad and I have Misophonia. On this episode, I talked to Marjorie who lives down in the country of Panama. We get to hear about what it's like to live somewhere where there's even less awareness than other countries. We also hear about some of her unusual triggers that started it all for her as a young girl. how things got really frustrating as she was growing up, and how she's dealing with it now. Remember, you can follow us on Instagram or Facebook at Misophonia Podcast. Yesterday I got a message from Anna, who I think is in Florida. She wanted to let people know that while she realized that she can't control her misophonia, stress always turns it up several notches, and I think that's something we can all relate to. So over the past year, she's turned her focus from trying to reduce her misophonia exposure to just trying to reduce the stress in her life. And it's had a big impact, she says. I just thought that was interesting to focus on the stress aspect because she's right. In many ways, that can be a lot easier to control. Anyways, as always, feel free to leave messages like that on social or email, hello at misophoniapodcast.com. But for now, here's Marjorie. Welcome, Marjorie. Welcome to the show. Glad to have you here.
Marjorie [1:17]: Yeah, thanks for having me.
Adeel [1:19]: Cool. Well, I like to usually ask where people are located, and you, yeah, why don't you tell me where you are?
Marjorie [1:26]: Well, I live in Panama. It's a really small country in Central America. We speak Spanish here, but some of us also know how to speak English. It's a really humid country. It rains a lot. It can be sunny in the morning, and then it rains like cats and dogs in the afternoon. People are really friendly. We love to eat, to dance. And really, that's it. I don't know.
Adeel [1:54]: Cool. Yeah, I know. That's great. So you live there now. You were born there. You spent your whole life there.
Marjorie [1:59]: Yeah.
Adeel [2:00]: Great. Yeah. So I know a lot of the listeners would love to hear. your perspective of somebody living, I guess most of our listeners are probably in the United States, so I'd love to hear what life is like there.
Marjorie [2:13]: I don't know where you found out about the podcast, but you were very... Well, I follow a lot of Instagram accounts, a lot of social media accounts related to misophonia, and I don't quite remember where I found about the misophonia podcast, but as soon as I I found about it, I was, like, interested because I love to read a lot of articles related to misophonia and I have never come near or never knew about a misophonia podcast. So I've heard the first one, then the one you posted today. As soon as I read that I could also be interviewed about talking about misophonia, I was, like, really, really happy because I don't know anybody here that has misophonia, here in Panama, at least. And all the people that I know that have misophonia are only online or just people online. I don't know nobody here with that.
Adeel [3:08]: Yeah, I remember you emailed me or something, and you were very eager, so I'm glad to have you on. Yeah, I guess there's many different ways we can go, but I'm just curious. That's whatever.
Marjorie [3:18]: The more questions, the better.
Adeel [3:19]: Yeah, so you don't know anybody other than online. That's not uncommon, even here in the United States, where there's a little bit more awareness.
Marjorie [3:27]: Yeah. what um so so then how did you find out that there was a name well it was pretty recent like three or four years ago i'm 29 so like when i was like 25 something like that i was i always searched online like people who hated i always put on the on the on the search part i always put like people who hated noise or with my triggers like people who hated this and that And then one person, it was like rarely, rarely spoken about. And one person thought like, yeah, this noise bothers me. And then it was a really, really small community that talked about what they had, but they didn't mention misophonia. Then after a couple of weeks, I looked online and I saw that what I was feeling had like a definition. And I was like, oh my God, this is me. It was only like four or three years ago. I was like, this is me. And since then, I started to cope with it. I know what things to do, and it didn't affect me as much as all the years before.
Adeel [4:32]: Yeah, so what are your kind of, yeah, what are your, without getting into maybe, without trying to simulate or get into too much detail, what are your general kind of triggers?
Marjorie [4:43]: Well, people mainly have mouth-related triggers. Those do affect me a lot, but my main trigger that I had since I was like eight years old is a hands rubbing oh my god just oh oh he's like when when whenever you're like you're cold or you're putting body lotion or whatever whenever you touch hand by hand like you rub that sound or whenever you rub your hand with your your skin or your your any part any part of your body or anything that seems or sounds like hands rubbing like if you are um i don't know using a pencil a pencil that a really dry pencil on the paper whatever that sounds like grabbing that that's crazy that's my number one trigger so not just um not just ski not just bodily um rubbing sand but uh yeah that's the number one also when you're like washing a bathroom with those um brooms oh lord no Yeah, it started just with the hands, but it developed into anything rubbing related.
Adeel [5:54]: And other than rubbing, is there anything else?
Marjorie [5:58]: Oh, I had thousands of triggers. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, but also mouth related is like smacking, like talking with food in your mouth. Oh, my Lord. And also biting an apple or everything with mouth. But I don't hate whistling. But I hate smacking. I hate people talking with food in their mouth. I hate when people are, like, sucking on their teeth. And a lot more, like, strong bass through the walls. Also, pen clicking. There's a lot, but the number one that I... Because those, I can stand for five seconds at max. But the other one with Hans Robin, not even once, I'm going to have to run. Immediately run. Yeah, fight or flight. Yeah, exactly.
Adeel [6:52]: And so, okay. And so you just found out I had a name a few years ago. Going back, how long have you kind of had, how long have you had this for you?
Marjorie [7:03]: Well, the first, my first misophonia memory was the first memory that I have hating that sound. Because my first trigger is also Hans Robin. This is when I was like eight. eight years old something like that and my dad used to when he he went well my dad was uh i was hearing the other podcast and they their first trigger also was their dad i was like wow also mine that's weird no it's not weird very common it's weird that it's that it's weird that it's that common yeah but it's yeah and he he's a really um tall man he has big hands and whenever he went he was getting ready to get go to his job he put um hand cream but he put it in such a hard hard way like like i don't know how to say like when you rub a stick to make fire yeah he did it like that like so strong and it was when i was small i heard like and all my whole body clenched and i couldn't and I put my hands on my ears and I felt like, what's going on? And everybody seemed like normal and I was dying here. So every day he did that for the longest time and I got, I don't know, I was traumatized. So whenever he was going to do that, I just put my hands on my ears and I knew I had to do it because it was making me crazy. And at the end of the day, I only thought that I was crazy because nobody else... was triggered or bothered by sounds. And I was just like, I thought that I was just like, oh, I'm crazy. That's it.
Adeel [8:43]: Right.
Marjorie [8:43]: Yeah, but that was when I was eight years old.
Adeel [8:48]: Wow. Okay. So every day, right, you would do that. And just out of curiosity, was there also kind of a visual trigger that came out of that as well?
Marjorie [8:56]: No. My misokinesia, I think is how you say, misokinesia, right?
Adeel [9:02]: Yes. Yes.
Marjorie [9:03]: it came when i knew about misophonia because i've never had visual triggers in my life but like back three or four years ago i started to to have visual triggers and i think that they are like they are as bad as my the noise noise triggers
Adeel [9:26]: Mm-hmm. And does it feel like the visual triggers are kind of telling your brain that maybe you're going to hear that? Do you think it's kind of anticipating the sound or does it feel like its own separate thing?
Marjorie [9:43]: I think it's a little bit of both because, for example, I can talk about my visual triggers or not.
Adeel [9:52]: Oh yeah, go for it.
Marjorie [9:53]: Because some of my visual triggers, those are like less. I only have like 10 visual triggers, not much. But some of them are feet and hands related. So whenever somebody is like playing with a pencil with their hands or playing with their rings on their finger. Oh my god, or just moving the fingers like using those little Rubik's Cube.
Adeel [10:18]: Yeah.
Marjorie [10:18]: Oh, I cannot stand people playing with things with their fingers at that Office pieces me up so much.
Adeel [10:24]: Do you think it's the speed of the fingers move?
Marjorie [10:26]: Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally totally But I thought that at first but then I saw my mom moving like spider really slow Oh Lord, no, I can't stand it. Once I saw my mom over there really slowly and I i couldn't see that and also with the with the feet when personnel like tingling i don't i know how you say that tingling their feet like up down up down or circling wiggling sorry wiggling their feet or moving the feet in circles i cannot stand that just those mainly those those two are my my visual triggers are with fingers and the moving feet but that's it but and that's it because i don't mind people
Adeel [11:10]: showing or moving the mouse that that doesn't bother me and i eat and it bothers me the sound so i don't know what those two are not related interesting yeah i mean it seems like those uh the you know the the hand and feet ones are probably related to kind of your original trigger not a doctor here but uh but uh that it's interesting that they're that that would be kind of kind of related to your strongest trigger yeah So you'd cover your ears back in the day. Was it... Did the other triggers come... Was it basically just that one trigger for a long time until you were an adult? Or did you start to develop other triggers as you were a child as well?
Marjorie [11:53]: Well, only that one. And when I was 12, maybe another trigger. That's funny how I'm going to say it. But when you imitate a fart with your mouth, that sound that you do with your mouth that was my second trigger like and I had those two only for the longest time when I had I was like 8 like 19 something like that I started to develop all the triggers because I went through a really hard time I was battling with depression and really a lot of changes in my life and my family so I was I was in a bad place so I started to develop all the triggers, like the bass, the mouth chewing. I started to notice how my family was eating and I couldn't stand it. But back in the day, I couldn't control my reaction. So I yelled, I threw chairs, like my, how do you say that? My anger was so strong. I once fractured my wrist because I smashed the wall so hard. that i fractured my wrist because i was so angry and i threw shares and i um threw myself into the the ground and started crying i jailed my mom i i didn't understand what was happening either my family but when i was like 19 20 i started to to develop more and more more more triggers but at the same time i i also
Adeel [13:28]: knew how to um manage or control all the triggers so i'm happy when i was younger i only had two so yeah i know that's right right sounds like you were definitely having trouble dealing with it so what did your parents do at that point did they just kind of like uh just try to talk you through it or did they take you to a doctor or therapist or or anything well when i was young um as i said i only had two so my
Marjorie [13:56]: I struggled more at school and at home. Since my dad was always working, the only moments I was really struggling with that rubbing hands sound was in the morning. And I was in my room so nobody ever knew. And I never talked about that because I just thought I was crazy. It's not an issue, I'm just crazy. But when I started to grow up, I didn't really have a really strong relationship with my dad. my mom or my dad, so I never thought about my issues. But when I knew what I had, that's when I tried to talk to them about that. I wrote a letter like, oh, look, this is misophonia, and I think that I have this. And I listed all my triggers just so they know why I was reacting the way I was reacting when they did that. and I told them that it wasn't their fault that just that I couldn't control it just I would explain all that in the letter and I told them and for the last three years they have been really um supportive of that sometimes like it's normal they are eating or eating with their mouth open and just I just try to avoid it I'm more like uh I avoid situations I don't confront I don't even understand I don't confront situations so I mainly pass the time in my room with headphones. I don't eat at the table. Whenever they're eating and talking, I just go away. I don't want to bother them because it's pretty annoying when somebody tells you, like, hey, stop doing that because it's not their fault and it's normal to eat. So I avoid people just to not bother them.
Adeel [15:41]: Right. And if you've already told them what it is, they hopefully don't take it personally.
Marjorie [15:49]: Yeah, sometimes they do. Well, my mom used to say, like, when I die, like, some things like that. Like, you're not going to miss me when I die. Because I used to yell at her, like, mom, don't be like that. Like, you hear yourself? But that was when I didn't understand what was going on. And a couple of times, even though a couple of times, I don't know, I exploded. And she used to say, like, oh, when I die, you're not going to. You're not going to be able to treat me well or whatever. And also, my misophonia has got to the point that I don't have a really good relationship with my big sister because she's the main source of triggers for me right now.
Adeel [16:34]: So not your dad anymore.
Marjorie [16:35]: Not my dad anymore because he doesn't live with us. He lives in another place. So she's my main. And I try. I try to get to know her. that I try to have a relationship with her, but her voice, her national voice, her hand, my misogyny just started with her. The movements of her hands, the way she talks, like, everything, everything is triggering for me, and it makes me feel so guilty. It's awful. It's awful. And she knows that, yeah.
Adeel [17:08]: So she knows that it, she knows that you, does she know, understand at least that you can't control it, and that it's... Gotcha. And so you only had a couple of triggers growing up. So she wasn't one of your triggers growing up.
Marjorie [17:21]: It was more later. No, later. No, not really. No, nobody in my family, just my dad, but just in the morning. So no, it was just mainly at school because people knew about it. And they were like bullying me because whenever I heard, because we in Panama, Panama has a really hot weather. So if you're at school or college or whatever, there's AC. So when people are cold and they try to warm their hands, they do that. Oh, my God. And at school, that happens a lot. And whenever I did that, I couldn't react all the way that I put my hands on my ears like I was being attacked because that was my main reaction. I could have something, a glass on my hand or a plate or whatever. But if I heard that, I threw everything away and I put my hands on my ears. Like immediately, I couldn't think of anything else. And people started noticing that and decided to do it on purpose and whatever.
Adeel [18:22]: Gotcha. So did it start to affect your inner circle of friends? Or was it mainly just bullies on the outside?
Marjorie [18:35]: Well, my friends never believed that I had something because I never knew how to explain it. Because at school, I didn't know it was called misofu. And I just thought, no, this bothers me. And they just said, no, you're just overreacting. Yeah, weirdo. So I... talk a lot about that but when we go we go out to eat or something it was one of my friends that ate like a cow and oh i i she she was she she got pissed a couple of times because i told her like oh please keep your mouth uh closed and she got pissed and but i don't know what how was it how was i going to explain her why no so are you still friends with her but people they think they still do what they do but people never completely understand you or or completely are aware that you're suffering or that they forget because the things that they do are normal you are the one that that is right not normal i guess right right um
Adeel [19:41]: And in school, did it affect your grades and stuff?
Marjorie [19:47]: No, no, not really. It affected sometimes my mood. I was angry most of the time, but not really. At school, I actually had a great time at school. Just those memories where they were bullying me and things like that. But school was great. My issue was after school, I had other things. That's when I developed tons of more triggers.
Adeel [20:15]: After school is in the day? No, after I graduated. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so let's talk about that then. Did you go to college or straight to work?
Marjorie [20:27]: Well, I went straight to work. And after three years, I went to college. I graduated a lot of years. I don't know, four years? Five years ago? and with my grace everything was fine but the issue was that the people used um rub their hands whenever they they felt cold and the things that unconsciously you build up um how do you say that rancor and you you have you have like this feeling like you like the person but you still hate it because what is that feeling i remember the name but you develop that feeling like oh i know this person does this and that and that and you try to avoid that person just in case they do a grudge you kind of hold the garage garage that's a word and I didn't have a lot of friends at university, at college, because, I don't know, maybe I didn't have the time, but I don't think that affected me. Misophonia doesn't affect me on a friend's level or our education level, mostly on a family level or romantic level. Those are the issues when misophonia takes place.
Adeel [22:01]: Gotcha. Okay. And, um, all right. So we cut, we covered family level. Um, maybe do you want to talk about the, uh, you know, partners that have had to deal with your misophonia? I know a lot of people have to deal with, um, partners and spouses and relationships.
Marjorie [22:19]: Um, well, I had a boyfriend when I was, um, 20, like 21 to 20, 22 to 24. of five i believe um that's when i just started to understand what i have and i told him no i think i have this and i have that he was really supportive um but he i i wasn't pissed of his uh showing i didn't matter it didn't matter to me but he did something with with his um can i say that I don't even remember what he did. But the in-relational level was not more, it was more like the misokinesia with him. He made some movements with his hand that I couldn't see. But he was so supportive that those other things I could stand. Like whenever we were in a bus or in a train or whatever, and he noticed that I was struggling with somebody chewing gum, he started to hug me, or he even Please ask with a lot of kindness to the other person to please stop it. And he took the blame. It was really nice. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know if... What is the other name that you call misophonia? Like the 4S?
Adeel [23:51]: Yeah, selective sound sensitivity syndrome. yeah used to be um he used to be a briefly was it was a term that was getting used a lot for this condition um there was a time when i think yeah we people weren't sure what to call it and that was that was kind of it um and then at some point in the past few years that misophonic kind of took over as the term that people use the most yeah but because i think of course i i believe i have it but i think that that also affects all the other senses because i'm really sensitive to touch
Marjorie [24:24]: to, to sight, to, to, to, to smell. Like I'm really sensitive to that. And whenever people touch me, like really slightly or, or, Oh, there's so many things that I can stand related to senses. I'm like, my senses are like above people, normal, normal people. It's weird. I don't know how to explain it, but you generally, uh,
Adeel [24:52]: When you're hearing stuff in a crowded room, do you kind of hear every conversation? Do you feel like you just hear more?
Marjorie [25:02]: I can hear people talking really, really low. But the volume doesn't bother me. For example, in my misophonia, the loud bass doesn't bother me at all. But when it's really, really low that you can hear it through the walls, oh, God. I cannot stand it. It's weird. If people talk really loud, I don't mind. But when they talk really low or really, really deep, raspy voices, when they talk with the, like if I'm talking with my hand over my mouth, muff sounds, I don't know how to say that.
Adeel [25:40]: Yeah.
Marjorie [25:41]: Those things bother me, like really low sounds.
Adeel [25:45]: Low in volume or low frequency?
Marjorie [25:47]: Maybe low frequency.
Adeel [25:48]: Yeah, interesting. Yeah, that's what you'd hear. Through walls, you would get just the low frequencies because everything else would be cut off. interesting so you're more sensitive to that because it's interesting because the hand rubbing is actually um very high frequency yeah but when it's related to robbing the high this high frequency but others like low all right yeah so it's probably frequencies are specific to the type of sound okay okay and um okay so we've yeah we've talked we've covered talked about how it uh kind of affected your family and your your relationships um What about, like, where you were, like, in the workplace? Are you kind of in an office environment?
Marjorie [26:36]: Well, I'm a certified translator and interpreter. So I translate different languages. And there was one time that one of my first jobs that I had to interpret over the phone certain type of conversation, like it would be medical, legal. uh health insurance whatever and there was there were times that the the voices of the the clients were so annoying like i couldn't stand that i have to hang up like i i couldn't possibly stand it there was one doctor that was um talking to the patient, and I had to translate whatever he was saying, but his voice was so low, deep, and raspy. I tried my hardest to stay on the line and interpret, but my brain was about to explode. I couldn't stand it. I had to hang up. Of course, they punished me for that, but I couldn't stand it. It was impossible for me. So that happened a couple of times. Also, when I worked in an environment where I had to deal with Other people, I've never liked that because of the sounds they make, of the movements. Right now, I work from home and there are a lot of times that I have to also go to meetings to interpret meetings or interpret things like that, but outside my home. But most of my work is from home, so I don't have to deal with people. got it so you're you're when you're working from home doing translation you're listening to conversations over the over the phone no that was my first job now that's like that i only like most of the things that i do right now is translate like subtitles for for different movies or shows written translation yeah yeah and when i have to interpret is that is when i have to talk but it's like 40% of the time. And it's not as bad as before because before the only thing that I did was over the phone interpretation. So it was all day hearing different type of voices. And I was so drained at the end of the day because I had to bear with the noises. I have to, oh, so I stopped working on that. I started like translating. So I do both things, but mostly written translation.
Adeel [29:15]: Yeah, so it seems like, yeah, it seems like jobs where you have to focus hard on people talking is not the most ideal. But you got through it.
Marjorie [29:24]: Yeah, yeah.
Adeel [29:26]: And then what about life? So life in Panama, what is the, you know, obviously, Misophonia, nowhere in the world I feel like is satisfactorily aware of Misophonia, but it sounds like in Panama is even less so.
Marjorie [29:42]: Yeah, it's non-existent here.
Adeel [29:45]: Yeah, so tell me about that. Have you tried to talk to people outside of... Do you know anybody else who has it over there?
Marjorie [29:54]: No, I don't know a single soul here that has misophonia. Not that I know, because maybe there are people around me that have it, but since they also don't... They don't know either... They don't know people that have it. They don't talk about it, but I don't know anybody here that has it. But I have tried talking to psychologists or doctors, because I have gone... I'm sorry, I have visited a specialist to maybe help cope me with it.
Adeel [30:21]: Specifically for this? Okay.
Marjorie [30:23]: Yeah, yeah, for this. Because before, when I was a kid, I forgot to mention that my mom took me to a psychologist. Not because of the sound problem, because they didn't know there was a source, but because I was so angry all the time.
Adeel [30:37]: Yeah, I mean, the sound, yeah.
Marjorie [30:40]: Uh-huh. They didn't know that it was the source. And me neither. I didn't know that I was angry because of that. I just felt like... I really didn't know what was happening. But I always got so angry. And it was like from 1 to 10. Immediately. And they took me to a psychologist, but I never, never talked about it. And when I was older, I went like to three different psychologists, and they had no idea what was that about. Maybe I had to go to a psychiatrist or a phonologist. I have a friend, well, not a friend, an acquaintance. that is a phone phone audiologist and she has no idea what misophonia is i have talked to a lot of doctors they have no idea what his point is and even one of them told me like maybe you're making it up oh lord that pissed me off so much that i left the room never uh never good bet uh bedside manners to say that about anything really yeah i have friends that have told like no this is what i have like this told me that you're not gonna come with something up just because you want to you identify with something when you have been struggling with that for the longest time so like yeah when i tell people that i have something because i'm completely sure that i have it and people like how are you gonna say that you're not a doctor like oh my god how a doctor is gonna determine how can I say it determine determine that I have they don't even know what it is I tell them that it's something that is not really it's something that hasn't been really studied truthfully like something that just people discovered the term a couple of years ago like people don't sometimes don't believe you on things like oh you're just searching on the internet and you think that you have though you're overreacting so i don't talk a lot about it just when people see me reacting in a way Like, what happened in that war? And just, no, I have some disorder that makes me react a certain way when I hear sounds. And they're like, oh. And when they keep, keep, keep, keep seeing me react the way I react with certain sounds, then they believe me. After a time that they see me. Like, oh, it's no joke. It's no joke. It's really.
Adeel [33:01]: Yeah. Yeah. And do you walk around without any what I call protective armor, like headphones and earplugs and stuff? Or do you have your kind of tools that you use?
Marjorie [33:17]: I can't leave my house without them. I have normal earphones. I have the wireless JBL 3. Those are really helpful. But my main thing to cope is my app i have an app that um reproduces white sounds see how it's like a white noise white noise sorry white noise and there's one white noise in specific that blurs all the the other noises that i can hear but i can still hear you talk like like i don't know how it's like
Adeel [34:02]: Yeah, so in the... You don't hear it now, but when I post it... Well, you've heard in my other episodes. I put like a brown noise, which is basically white noise, but with the high frequencies taken off. So it's more like a... Yeah, it's more like a rain or... Yeah, I love those.
Marjorie [34:20]: I love those. I use those all the time. If I ever have to, like... Well, not ever. When I, like... talk with my mom or we're in a family meeting or wherever I have those because those blur other sounds that they make or I don't know when I have to do house chores like washing the the bathroom floor inside I have to put that without the rubbing yeah yeah really strong a song plus that and a lot of things when I there people my neighbors have a party Like I have to use that whenever I'm in a train. I have to use that. Like that calms me so much. And it's, I don't know, it's really, really helpful. So whenever I leave the house or even inside my house, I'm also wearing, most of the times I'm wearing headphones.
Adeel [35:13]: Do you have the name of the app that you use?
Marjorie [35:17]: It's called White Noise Light.
Adeel [35:21]: White noise light. Okay.
Marjorie [35:22]: Yeah.
Adeel [35:23]: Gotcha. Yeah. I'll try to find a link to that just in case others are interested. So that mixes noise into the songs that you're listening to?
Marjorie [35:31]: Yeah.
Adeel [35:32]: Or is it pure noise? Okay. Gotcha. Very cool. Okay. Brown, pink noise, whatever you're interested in, that could be a lifesaver.
Marjorie [35:41]: Yeah.
Adeel [35:42]: And what about, so restaurants, movies, do you kind of avoid a lot of situations?
Marjorie [35:49]: Yeah. I have heard or read about people that can't go to the movies or can't go eating with their friends. I can do it, but I know I'm going to be triggered. But I still do it. There are things that I know that I'm going to be triggered, but the trigger is stronger, and that's what I avoid. But when the trigger is mild, I still go ahead and just take it. I don't know, it sounds bad, but I don't know, I take it, because I don't want to avoid things in life just because of this.
Adeel [36:26]: I think we all kind of understand, figure out our spectrum, and just kind of figure out where we're on.
Marjorie [36:32]: There are times in the movies that I haven't been able to pay attention to the movie at all. Because sometimes I go to the movie, not because I want to watch the movie, but because I want to see how people react. No, to see how people react to the subtitle, because I translate most of it. Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah, it's your work. Yeah. Oh, they like it, whatever. But sometimes when I do want to watch the movie, oh, there are people. Like, I have developed so many techniques to know where to sit. who to talk with it's insane people really know what I do when I go out of the house like my techniques and everything people will think like I'm a psychotic person like it's really really extreme I need to sit in a certain place at the bus I need to sit in a certain place at my my church I need to sit I need to know I need like everything is calculated it's ridiculous but if I don't do it oh it's I can't I can't live it's weird
Adeel [37:35]: Yeah, so walk me through maybe one of your calculations. Let's say you just got your ticket. You just walked in the theater. Do you wait for people to sit down?
Marjorie [37:44]: Do you have like a go-to section that you... Yeah, for the movies, I tend to sit like really, really at the back where people like... I know seats that people don't usually sit, so I sit there. And I have to be, like, in a part where I can leave right away. Because there are times that it gets so intense that I have to leave. But the tactics and techniques are mostly when I get on a bus. If I get on a bus, I can't sit next to a person that is showing gum. Or I cannot sit next to a person that is using their phone because I cannot watch their fingers playing on their phone. Yeah, I can't sit on a person that seems that it's cold because they're going to do the hands rubbing thing. And there's so many things I cannot sit next to a real person because I can't stand light touch. And then I know that their shoulder or their, I'm sorry, their elbow or their hands are going to be rubbing me. I cannot stand it. There's so many things. And there was one time that the bus was so crowded and... There were people touching me everywhere, and there were people making all sorts of noises, and I didn't have my earphones. I was so anxious. I had a panic attack. I couldn't breathe, and I had to leave on the next bus stop, even though it wasn't mine. So I have a lot of panic attacks, like anxiety, all of that because of the sound problems.
Adeel [39:12]: Do people talk about mental health issues at all over there the same way as some other countries? Or is even that anything related to mental health kind of taboo?
Marjorie [39:24]: No, there is no taboo here. With the most common mental health disorders like anxiety, depression, things like that, people really take a lot of consideration into people that have that. But when it is unknown, people don't care about it. Yeah. Once I tried talking to a stranger that was really, really taking me to, like, I was about to punch him in the face. But I've never done that in my life. But I was over my limits. And I told him that, please, don't do that. Stop doing what you're doing. Please, really, really calm. And he was like, why? It's not your problem. And I just briefly told him, I have a disorder, like, la, la, la. He cursed at me and kept doing that. I was about to cry. So I know people, when they don't know about something, they don't... In Panama, I can only talk about Panama. When people don't know or they don't know a lot about an issue, they don't see it as important.
Adeel [40:38]: I mean, that's not just Panama. That's pretty universal. So there might be, who knows, there might be people, actually, I should be able to take a look at the stats. There might be people in Panama who are listening to this secretly, having bottled this up for many, many years. Or definitely like in other countries, even the United States, where there's really nobody else around. Do you have anything you want to tell people who have kind of had to bottle this up like you have?
Marjorie [41:08]: Well, that is not their fault. Because when you have this, you build up a lot of guilt. A lot of guilt. It's not their fault. But also please try to learn how to cope. Because when it was like 10 years ago or even 7 years ago, we had no idea. Well, on my side, I had no idea what misophonia was. But now that there's been such a huge... community growth i don't know how to say that like the misophonia community has growth so much there's a lot of blogs and accounts that can uh teach you how to cope with it and they do work i know misophonia uh the moment has not here but you can live with it you can cope with it it's it's gonna take some time but try doing it and you will see that it's really really amazing when you you you manage to live with this disorder and manage it with you like your um your life and i don't know and and try to share because people say that no if i learn about other people triggers i'm gonna acquire that trigger but whenever you read more whenever you talk about it more whenever you participate on things like this, like podcasts, and you get it out of your chest, you're helping yourself and also you're helping other people. So that's why I really, really congratulate you for this initiative. It's going to help a lot of people. No, I appreciate that.
Adeel [42:49]: Marjorie, again, thank you for coming on and good luck with, yeah, I'm glad you've found what it is and it's explained a lot to you. And I know this is going to help a lot of people. And yeah, good luck to you going forward. And I hope, let's keep in touch. I mean, I'm hoping all the guests here, we kind of keep in touch and maybe we can have you on at a later date.
Marjorie [43:10]: Yeah, of course. Whatever you need, I'm here.
Adeel [43:14]: Thank you, Marjorie, and thank you for listening to this conversation. Again, you can follow on Facebook or Instagram at Misophonia Podcast. Also on Twitter at Misophonia Show. My email is hello at misophoniapodcast.com. Lots of stickers still being sent out to anyone who emails me their mailing address. The music's by Moby, and until next week, wishing you peace and quiet.
Unknown Speaker [43:41]: Thank you. Thank you.